I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
