Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
