now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize