she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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