she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
