I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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