So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
