Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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