Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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