So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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