He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize