Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
