I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
