im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
