forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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