We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
