Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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