He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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