just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
