I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
