At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
