now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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