So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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