You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
