I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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