did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
