I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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