I wannas sexs uuuuu
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
