just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we should paint friendship bongs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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