the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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