Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
