FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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