K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
