I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize