Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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