on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
