I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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