her vagine was all disorganized.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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