look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
