Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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