I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize