The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
