I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
