Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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