He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
