Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
