They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize