I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
