the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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