just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
