Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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