Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize