Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Drunk is a universal language darling
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
