I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
