I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
