She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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