wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
