I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
