I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
now i know why i became what i already was.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
