she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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