I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
