Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
