I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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