Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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