Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
