i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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