you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
