I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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