You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
