The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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