just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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