Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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