I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
