Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize