She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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