I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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