is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
