I am midnight drunk by noon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
