u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
