I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
