I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
