so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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