the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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