...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
