my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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