So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
