I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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