You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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