Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize