I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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