So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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