best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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