Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
