Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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