grandma shit on top of the toilet
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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