another moral hangover. fuck.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
