you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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