You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
