I heard we made out
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
